By Virginia Winder

After sleepless nights thinking about rugby and racism, Graham Mourie made the bravest decision of his life.

He chose not to play against the South African Springboks rugby team during its 1981 tour of New Zealand.

At the time Graham stood down, he was captain of the All Blacks.

"I guess with the passage of time, more and more people would say I made the right decision."

Which was not taken lightly. "At the time you are taking a risk that you might not be let back in (the team) and when it means a lot to be an All Black …

"I have always had a problem with being honest with myself in affairs of conscience," he says.

"It's also an issue of being in a position of leadership. Leadership doesn't necessarily imply being popular. Leadership in my mind is making the right decisions."

After reading books on South Africa, questioning people who had been there, and also looking at the fallout in other countries where the Springboks had toured, Graham chose to say no.

"I think one of the issues in our society is we are generally hedonistic in that we do what will feel good, rather than what we know is right."

Graham also says people tend to make personal lifestyle choices rather than looking at ethics and morality. "In saying that, in regards to the '81 tour, it was not just the South African situation, it was also rugby itself."

Looking back, the tour did hurt rugby. "It was not hard to be right," he says. "From a New Zealand perspective, it was seen as a political football for (then Prime Minister Robert) Muldoon to use in the way he wanted to use it."

As a result of his personal stance, Graham received hate mail. More than 20 years on, he laughs it off. "I probably got as much when I was Hurricanes coach.

"I got a lot of support too."

Not always from those close to him. "My father and members of my family thought I was being a bit unwise in doing it."

But there were no major fallouts. "I don't think you lose friends over that sort of thing; you might lose acquaintances."

As a team player, Graham was naturally worried about disappointing his men. "I had a lot of good friends who went out to play and who would've felt let down personally.

"Some understood. Some would've liked to have done it (not played), but didn't feel like they could. (All Black) Mark Donaldson let me know that he was pretty upset by what I had done and I shouldn't get picked again."

But Graham did.

He played against Romania and France in a series-winning tour during the summer of 1981-82 and finished his All Blacks career with a Bledisloe Cup series victory at Eden Park in the winter of 1982.

In the early 1990s, Graham was invited to a reception for Nelson Mandela, who spent 27 years in prison and then became president of South Africa in 1994.

Graham was moved by the great leader. "To go through all he had been through and maintain his sense of balance is pretty incredible."